Dreams Update: SEPTEMBER 2010

September is up, and my exam is up! We took the FPGEE this morning in Colorado! The questions were generally simple but I guessed most of the time. The results won’t be out until after 8 weeks. The moment we got out of the test center, we were smiling.

Last week, after watching Charice’s cover of Beyonce’s “Listen” on Glee, I browsed other vocal covers on YouTube and concluded that Charice’s cover was the best, even better than Beyonce’s original. Then I stumbled upon zeldaxlove64‘s YouTube channel and got impressed by her beautiful voice and covers. I suddenly wanted to take voice lessons and build up my own channel too. I also saw a vocal cover of “Listen” in Spanish, which has “Oye” as its title. It sounded so nice, I wanna learn Spanish too.

But before all that, I shall take TOEFL iBT first, apply as a pharmacy intern, take the NAPLEX and the MPJE, become a registered pharmacist, and earn big time!

Forty Days: Day 26

As the world is celebrating Pacquiao’s victory over Clottey, I’m here in the dormitory, watching Charice and Arnel Pineda sing “A Whole New World” on ASAP XV.

Charice has obviously grown up a lot, compared to when she did a similar duet with Kyuhyun 3 years ago. She was still a little kid back then, but she already had the wonderful voice of a lady. Now, she only gets better and better.

Anyway, if I were to choose my most favorite Disney song, I would pick “A Whole New World” from “Aladdin.” And if I were to choose my most favorite rendition of that song, I would pick Kyuhyun and Charice’s duet on Star King. Funny how I posted that video on a blog entry 4 months back, also the exact same day of Pacquiao’s boxing fight.

Complete Happiness

I got awake this morning, maybe around 2am, and heard Veronica crying. She was talking with somebody (maybe her best friend from the soccer team) on the phone. She was telling her about her resentment toward her parents, like how they favor her younger sister over her, etc. Veronica has opened up this matter to me before but I’ve never seen heard her break down like this. She was crying so badly. I didn’t know what to do or what to say, so I just laid there still on my bed, pretending to be asleep.

At that moment, I felt a deep surge of compassion flow through me. I felt that she needed me, my love and support more than ever. I felt that she needed me not just as a roommate but also as a friend.

Veronica is beautiful, athletic and all that, but she’s not happy. Her stunning physical beauty doesn’t excuse her from the harsh reality of life—that nobody can ever be completely happy in this world. If she were happy with her family, then she would already be perfect. But nobody is perfect; only God is.

I am thankful that I don’t have those kinds of problems with my family. I have a wonderful family and I’m very happy with them, but that doesn’t make me perfect either. I may be happy with my family but not with other aspects of my life. I don’t have a lot of friends, and I lack confidence sometimes. Overall, I am not completely happy.

I watched Charice Pempengco during an interview before, and learned that she’s not completely happy too. Despite her great talents, great success and unbelievably high self-esteem, she still feels a deep emptiness in her heart which can only be filled in by the presence of her father, who left them when she was still a baby. I cried real hard while watching it.

When I read Taeyang’s interview with KBS (http://www.allkpop.com/index.php/full_story/kbs_interviews_tae_yang/), I realized that the celebrities who have the most fans and who get the most media attention are also the saddest and the most depressed. They get so busy most of the time that they forget why they do whatever they are doing in the first place. They always need to protect their image so people would always see them in a positive light. Worries haunt them at night and they find it hard to sleep. In worst cases, these idols tend to lose control of themselves and necessitate medical help.

Complete happiness doesn’t exist in this world. Nobody in this world can ever own it, not even the rich, not even the famous, and not even me.

Inspiration

My mood is much better today. I was overwhelmed by the huge crowd cheering for Pacquiao at the mall this morning, and I cried. We watched “2012″ and I cried again. Nevertheless, I can say that I’m in a less crying mood today than the last few days, and that is just amazing. I think one factor that contributed to my little bouts of depression was my deep admiration for Kyuhyun. I was so awed when I heard him sing “A Whole New World” with Charice. When I saw it, I was like, “Wow, he’s the one. He’s the SuJu member for me.” (Sorry, I know I sound weird. Please don’t think negatively of me! If you’re a girl, I know you’ve also been through boy band addictions in the past and you completely understand what I mean).

I’ve been a big fan of his since I saw this video. However, instead of feeling happy, I feel sad and depressed whenever I see him. For some reason, seeing him pierces my heart. He’s so wonderful, he makes me wanna cry.

But then, I thought that if he contributed to my depression, he could also contribute to my overcoming of it. I thought that I should use my admiration of him as a means of improving myself, that something good must come from my deep admiration, that I should look at him as an inspiration. I read his profile and learned that Kyuhyun is shy and quiet just like me. He’s also not a very good dancer relative to his fellow SuJu members. We share many things in common. I can relate with him. If he’s got many fans, it’s only because he is dedicated to what he’s doing and gives his best shot every time. (Being able to devote yourself to something is a talent. – Al Elric, “Fullmetal Alchemist”). If he can do that, then I can do that too. We’re both creations of God. Whatever challenge life has in store for me, I can surpass through God’s guidance. God guides Kyuhyun too.

I read in one of his profiles that Kyuhyun also sleeps in a dorm and has several roommates, just like me. He had no bed at first because he was the last member to get into the group so he used to sleep on the floor. He never complained. It was a part of life.

Dealing with others (like your roommates) is a part of life, and you have to live with it. That’s exactly what I should be saying to myself right now, since I’m not very good with that “dealing with others” thing (especially with Veronica). From now on, I’ll just do my best to be the best person I can ever be, considering Kyuhyun as one of my inspirations.

Kyuhyun, I know this is very unlikely, but if you happen to be reading this blog entry right now, I just wanted to tell you that you are so amazing. You’re a great performer. I love your voice and all your witty remarks during interviews. Your version of “A Whole New World” with Charice is the best one I’ve ever heard. I think you’re a really wonderful person. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world. You’ve got a lot of fans, me included. Always be a good influence to all of us. We love you and I’ll be praying for you.